Valentine's Day is around the corner and with it, comes a lot of romantic themes shooting from all angles. Going off my anime record alone, you would think I was heavily into the allure of romance, but it is quite the contrary. I have a large list of romantic anime I've watch, hasn't really made me into this super sensitive, doe-eyed male who wants to be loved any chance I get. And sometimes I ask myself why that was the case.
Look back at my empty male post, I wouldn't say it isn't exactly the same for me, but a bit similar. Instead of wanting to project myself onto the male protagonist; I just prefer to observe the development of love between the two characters. With the differences, it still accomplishes the same goal, it being a replacement for something that I haven't really experienced.
Loving Placebo
Expanding on the observing others experiencing something, you could call it somewhat of a placebo or replacement for the real thing. Things like romantic anime and even Katawa Shoujo were something that would very much fit the bill.
After reading a post, explaining why Anthony, aka ChilledChaos, stopped and made private all his videos of Katawa Shoujo, most of the unexplained feelings and distance I had for this game clicked together. A lot of people said how much the game changed their life and all these highly hyperbolic statements that made a sharp disconnect between me and the vocal minority.
It felt more like people were experiencing the game as a love placebo, all the while still feeling lonely after finishing each route; the reality was that nothing really changed and those feeling of romance were merely distracting them for the time being. Which on the flip side, for me it was more of me looking into a glass window and feeling nice when good things happened.
Of course I've had taken my share of "pills", that being romantic anime rather than visual novels like Katawa Shoujo. A small list of them being Shuffle!, Aa! Megami-sama!, Lovely Complex, Rec, and Love Hina. Most of these anime helped me get though high school without having much of the sinking feeling of "Oh right I don't have a significant other", but that feeling was still lurking in the back of my mind during high school and a bit in college.
Growing past that wasn't a quick process, but it involved a lot of time in my head, mostly late at night because no one bothered me. So now I've gotten to a place where love, romance, Valentine's Day, whatever is your flavor, is a non-issue. What I mean by this is love is still something on my mind, but it isn't something that is up front and center as much as it was, it is more self improvement focused; I'm basically coining it as living for me and not for love.
Living for Me
Back in 2007, me being in my junior year, I didn't really consider myself any good at literature. However, I did manage to write a poem for Valentine's Day, which although dark I still like what I wrote. It is a good representation of how I felt back in my 3rd year of high school compared to now; I don't write poems anymore, but now I'm just more writing in general.
Most of the hobbies I take up usually come from general interest and a way to improve an area of myself that I feel is a weaker part of me. Instead of focusing on something that involves me and another person, I am more concerned about improving myself because there wasn't much of a point in wasting so much time on something that isn't in my control.
Love Yourself
Some people say you have to love yourself before you can actually love someone. I agree with this, which is why I want to conclude with, instead of worrying so much about love on this coming Valentine's Day, take up a hobby, find something that you like about yourself, or maybe just give yourself some self love. Whatever helps it doesn't hurt to focus more on you, even if you feel a little selfish for doing so.
